Word of the Day | Hypocorism & Psych Out Names

Hypocoristic

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A hypocoristic, hypocorism, or hypochorisma (from Greek ὑποκορίζεσθαι hypokorizesthai, "to use child-talk"^[1]) is a lesser form of the given name used in more intimate situations, as a nickname, term of endearment, a pet name.

So the question is, why do we need a word like hypocoristic when abbreviation, or nickname , or term of endearment were working just fine? Because the concept of the hypocorism covers all of the previous situations with no exceptions, in a single, hard to remember word.

At least, it's been difficult for me to remember because the definition has been open in my internet browser for a week now. At least 10 times a day for the last 4 days, I would go to check email and see the word "Hypocoristic" sitting on a firefox tab, wedged between Pandora and Beaker's rendition of the final movement of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. Last night I was explaining the concept of the hypocorism to my wife, along with the idea of Psych Out Names (see below) and by the time I finished, I had forgotten the word again:

ME
I remember a 'cori' sound was in it

WIFE
What, like the Two Coreys?

ME
No, more like Cori-olis, or Cori-ander.

WIFE
...Or Corey Hart?

Luckily, it was still there in my browser tab today and I was able put it into the blog and save a draft. Now I can find it quickly the next time I need to explain Psych Out Names to someone.

So, back to explaining why we need to commit a long word, hypocoristic, to memory. There is something we consistently do with language, such as convert dog into doggie, fat into fattie, and Alfredo into Alf which all falls into the same category. Yet it can't always be called abbreviation, because doggie has more letters than dog. Also as with doggie it's not always a nickname the way Alf might be for Alfredo. And of course the endearing nature of using the word fattie is usually inversely proportional to the loudness at which it is directed at the target. For example, a whisper in your ear of "That's a nice fattie you've got going there" can be quite endearing. Whereas hearing someone shout across the beach at you, "Hey fattie, you're blocking the sun!" is less so (I would also like to point out, sadly, that the more one experiences the second usage of fattie, the less likely he is to enjoy the first). So we see from these examples that hypocorism succeeds where the short, easy to remember descriptions fail.

Where things get interesting is in the case of hypocoristic names. For example, we all know someone named Mike who has been lying to us. His name is really Michael. We also know a deceptive Phil (Phillip), a mendacious Jen (Jennifer), and a stinking rotten lying bastard of an Ed, who is actually a direction (e.g.: Forward, Backward, Edward).

I must confess some hypocrisy in this area. For years, since we met, dated, got engaged, married, etc, I thought my wife's name was Trish. That's how she was introduced to me, that's what I've called her all this time, that's the name she has always responded to (when she doesn't have a headache). One Thanksgiving, visiting her family back East, I started to get suspicious because the whole time everyone else there kept referring to her as Patti. "Pass the gravy please, Patti." "Would you like more green beans, Patti?" "For the love of God, when are you going to give us grandchildren, Patti? At first I was confused, because I didn't know who this Patti person was they were allegedly speaking to, but when I realized they were all staring directly at Trish and accusing Patti of being barren, I was taken aback. Angrily, I stood up at the table and in front of her family proceeded to call her out on years of deception. "WTF!" I said (not the words, but literally the letters W. T. and F) "...Trish, err Patti, or whatever your name is! What else have you been lying about?" And get this, her family laughed at me. "Haha!" They all laughed in unison, pointing at me, mockingly, "You thought Patti was Trish!" But then my wife stood up and announced that her name was actually Patricia, she was not having children to spite her rotten family, and no she didn't want any more green beans. Her family immediately stopped laughing at me, because it turns out we had all been deceived. In complete silence we finished our turkey, gravy, and badger droppings (the bad kind). "She'll get hers!" I thought to myself, because she doesn't know my name is actually "Bradley".

Psych Out Names
I have a friend named Will. At least I thought his name was Will, until one day at a house painting party at his place I noticed a letter addressed to Willard (This was after the notorious Thanksgiving event when I discovered I'd married a Patricia, so I had no problems dealing with another deception). I told him I had always thought his name was William, and I apologized if I had ever accidentally called him William in a formal situation in the past, which I know I had. Will, who is 3.2 units higher on the cool person scale than I am just smiled and said, "No worries. It happens all the time, and to be honest, it's an advantage to be a Willard when everyone thinks you are William."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Well, for one thing I get to mock offense when somebody calls me William."
"Mock offense?"
"Sure. If somebody calls me William, I can look at them with anger or disappointment and fire back. My name is not William, it's Willard! But if they are a friend or, say, my boss, I just let it go."

And Will had an excellent point, which made me realize that having the kind of name like Willard, that is bound to be shortened, and then likely to be expanded again to the wrong name is actually empowering!

I imagined Will as a child in grade school, perhaps sent to the vice principal's office for accidentally seducing his attractive, young, female grade school teacher:

VICE PRINCIPAL
(angrily)
Come in, William.

Will enters the office looking shameful.

VICE PRINCIPAL

Sit down, William! It has come to my attention, William, that you have committed a rather despicable act.

Will sits down, looking at the Vice Principal, confused.

VICE PRINCIPAL
So now it is my task to decide what to do with you, William. Do I call your parents and suspend you indefinately, or should I phone the police and make this incident into a public spectacle? Tell me William, what would you do if you were me?

WILL
(with mocking anger)
That will be enough out of you, ma'am! Please stop calling me William. My name is Willard. It has always been and always will be Willard. If you intend to ruin my life, at least show me the proper respect.

VICE PRINCIPAL
(caught offguard)
Willard? And this whole time I'd been calling you William. Oh goodness me, I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry. Oh no, I feel so ashamed. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?

WILL
(Eying the Vice Principal seductively)
Well... there is one thing

Cue wah-wah pedal music

What Will made me realize is that his parents gave him a gift, the gift of the Psych Out Name. As we can see from Will's experience, having a short name that people will get wrong when they expand it can be advantageous for the anointed person. In fact, in situations where a person of authority is addressing someone with a Psych Out Name, they are more likely to get the person's full name wrong, providing said person with an opportunity for a surprise retort, like an amazing parry and counter thrust in fencing, or a surprise return of service in tennis. The server gets just the right toss on the ball and slams it, full force, over the net, into the box expecting an ace, and instead WHAM, Willard slams the ball back even harder, cross court, no chance for the acer who has become the acee.

But every now and then, someone might stop and ask Will if his name is short for William or Willard, like Willard Scott, and thus Will loses out on his advantage. So to remedy this, I have decided to compile a list of more effective Pysch Out Names, names that, after they have been hypocorisized, provide almost no opportunity for someone to recover the full name on assumption.

Effective Psych Out Names:

Tim → Timberly
Kim → Kimothy
Matt → Mattrick
Pat → Patthew
Dick → Dichard
Bernie → Bernald
Ted → Tedward
Alf → Alfrick
Sandy → Sandrew
Fran → Frandy
Ken → Kenjamin
Sue → Sewis
Bart → Barthur
Rudy → Rudith

So make sure to name your future children one of the psych out names if you want to give them a head start. In the mean time, report to me any more pysch out names you come up with, or better if you know someone who has one.